Hello all, my name is Tessa and I've decided to start this blog to try to get some free therapy. LOL. Well here is my story. I am 26 years old, married to a wonderful man for 8 great years. We have two children 7 and 3 and have been trying for our third over the last few months. A few weeks ago I had a postive pregnancy test and we were over the moon until the next morning when I retested only to find a negative result. Needless to say I was really disapointed. I made an appointment with an OBGYN, haven't been to one of those since the 3 year old was born, and to my dismay found that I had developed Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which will make it difficult for me to conceive again. I am really sad about the whole thing. I have always wanted a large family and Nick and I were really hoping for one more little gift from God to complete our family. Please do not misunderstand, I am so very grateful for the two miracles that we have, I just have this empty place in me, I can't explain it. No one seems to understand it, not even Nick. I have this hurt deep down that won't go away. I see babies EVERYWHERE I go! I can't make people understand that I am trying to get over it and appreciate what I already have, and when I read stories on the web about women who don't even have one child, I feel guilty. I have all of these emotions surging around inside me and I don't know what to do with myself. I love the life that God has given me and I almost feel like a bad person for wanting more and not just accepting what He has given me. I just wonder if it will ever happen, if we will ever have that missing piece to the puzzle of our family. I am so impatient about the whole thing and that doesn't help matters at all. I just let this whole thing consume me and I don't want to, it's out of my control.
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